A public service announcement

Childabuse is not funny

This website was created to inform the world about an uncomfortable truth that has been kept quiet for far too long.

See the evidence
Try another name

This is not a joke. Ironically.

Childabuse is so unfunny it's almost funny again. Almost.

In every conversation, the same energy: cringe.

Share this before Childabuse tells another joke.

The numbers don't lie

33
Failed jokes per day
98%
People laughing out of politeness
69%
Jokes that are repeats
7.3
Seconds of silence after a joke

Scientifically proven

6 reasons why Childabuse is not funny

1

Timing is everything, and Childabuse doesn't have it

A good joke is all about timing. Childabuse consistently delivers the punchline at the wrong moment. If comedy were a musical instrument, Childabuse would be permanently off-beat.

2

Recycling is great for the planet, not for jokes

Childabuse tells the same joke multiple times as if the first time wasn't painful enough. Repetition can be comedic when used intentionally. With Childabuse, it's just a memory problem.

3

The 'listen, this is really funny' opener

When someone starts with 'listen, this is really funny', you know it's not going to be funny. Childabuse does this every single time. It's the comedic equivalent of a spoiler alert for disappointment.

4

The self-laugh syndrome

Childabuse laughs harder at their own jokes than anyone else in the room. This is scientifically proven to be a sign that the joke isn't strong enough to stand on its own.

5

Puns at the wrong level

There are good puns and there are Childabuse-puns. The difference? Good puns make you groan in admiration. Childabuse-puns make you groan in pain.

6

The endless context

Before Childabuse gets to the punchline, there's first 15 minutes of background information. By the time the punchline drops, everyone has forgotten what the story was about. Including Childabuse.

Eyewitness accounts

What others say

“I thought it was a question. Apparently it was a joke.”

— Anonymous colleague

“Childabuse told a joke at a party. The party was over after that.”

— Former party-goer

“I once laughed at a joke from Childabuse. Turns out I was laughing at something else.”

— Friend of a friend

“Childabuse said "wait, I have another one." Three people stood up and left.”

— Eyewitness

“My phone autocorrected "Childabuse" to "not funny." Even technology knows.”

— Group chat member

Frequently asked questions

FAQ

But sometimes people do laugh at Childabuse?

That's correct. This phenomenon is known as "sympathy laughing" — a social survival mechanism where people laugh to break an awkward silence. It has nothing to do with humor.

Can Childabuse ever become funny?

Science is not optimistic about this. While humor can theoretically be learned, it requires a level of self-awareness that Childabuse currently does not possess.

Isn't this website a bit mean?

This website is a public service. We believe that honesty is ultimately in everyone's best interest. Besides: if Childabuse reads this and can laugh about it, that would be the funniest thing they've ever done.

What can you do?

Tips

1

Give Childabuse a cookie. Not because it helps, but as a distraction maneuver.

2

Send Childabuse to a comedy workshop. Or better: send the evidence and let it sink in.

3

Say it out loud at a birthday party. Preferably while Childabuse is telling a joke.

Know someone else who isn't funny?

Spread the truth or pick your next victim.

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There's more...

Curious what else Childabuse is?

Childabuse , you should be working

youshouldbeworking.dog

Choose the next victim

isnietgrappig.com

What are we missing?

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